Reconnecting

I’ve been the worst kind of blogger. I could make a lot of (mostly even valid) excuses about pregnancy, raising a toddler, and trying to juggle my last year of part-time teaching English Literature at a local high school with running a fledgling business and opening/remodeling a studio and being a wife….but in all honesty? I was just burnt out. Plain and simple.

When I first got into photography is was my outlet. What I did to burn off the stress. Then, amazingly (and I’m so thankful for this) I have somehow been able to turn it into a career. Something that was beyond my wildest dreams. A blessing.

But with a career….any career, even one you love….comes stress. Especially if, like me, you’re a driven Type-A perfectionist who *needs* everything to be amazing. Good enough is not good enough. Suddenly, what was a stress reliever and my escape became the source of a lot of stress. Comparison snuck in:

“I’m not as good as so and so….”

“I’ve never been published on that site…”

“I’ll never book weddings like that person…”

“If only I could (fill in the blank with a million different expectations no one but myself was setting)…”

Somewhere in the midst of everything, I got disconnected from the whole reason why I love this thing I am lucky enough to call my job. From the reasons I photograph.

And I froze.

I stumbled – accidentally – upon these photos from last summer (2014) while formatting and backing up countless SD and CF cards and trying to organized myself in prep of the very busy 2015 wedding season to come (for me, it starts next week second shooting a wedding in the Bahamas with my mentor & friend, Cassandra and kicks into gear before a short maternity leave in April-May and then a packed full schedule that won’t let up again until Christmas. Yes, Christmas. I’m not kidding.)

In these photos I reconnected with my purpose as a photographer. The reason I shoot.

It’s not for fancy features on exclusive blogs, though those are awfully nice.

It’s not to be better than or compete with anyone or anything.

It’s not even to make money (though, with a growing family, that does have to happen somehow…thanks a lot college loans and mortgages!)

It’s about preserving these singular, special, gone-in-the-blink-of-an-eye moments. My little sister, stealing my sunglasses and goofing around. My baby girl holding hands with my mom on a walk in the summer sunshine. Fleeting moments. Moments that someday, my heart will ache to return to. I will be so glad I have these moments captured and saved. They are a tangible legacy of memories to pass to my daughters.

As I head into a busy season, my goal is to stay connected to this purpose.